Mamas, you know those mornings where all the stars align and you get the lunches made, children dressed, bags packed and you actually leave the house on time?
Yeah, me neither.
Our mornings are usually complete chaos. No matter what time we get up, someone’s always gonna have a meltdown, lost shoe or diaper blowout. Seriously, I could get up at 3 a.m. and still not be able to leave on time. It takes endurance and a good game plan to get through the morning marathon. Sometimes I feel like the undertrained runner who sprinted when the shotgun went off and starts puking on the sidelines around mile #2. Thankfully, I’ve got Chris as my team mate so at least it’s a relay race.
Yesterday morning my team mate was down for the count. After I’d already hit the snooze button three times, Chris woke up with a fever and chills. I could tell he didn’t feel well and I wanted to try to keep the girls from getting sick, so I told him to stay in bed and rest.
I skipped taking a shower so I’d have enough time to get the girls up, fed and dressed. After EC wanted to change outfits three times, we finally made it downstairs for breakfast, which consisted of rice cakes, watermelon and gatorade. Breakfast of champions! Mom of the Year right here. I reheated my coffee five times before I finally just chugged it cold. As I tried to go through my mental checklist of what all needed to be done, I got a second wind when I remembered that I didn’t have to pack the girls’ lunches for the day, I just had to send lunch money. We usually have to bring lunch every day, but sometimes the school offers the option to purchase lunch. That shaved a good ten minutes off my morning marathon time.
EC was scared to go upstairs to brush her teeth because of the thunder (but really she just didn’t want to have to brush them herself) and Ellie decided it would be a good idea to start picking up all the bathmats in the house and putting them over her face to play peek-a-boo. Lovely.
The girls were dressed, and now it was my turn. Since I didn’t shower, I needed to wear pants to hide porcupine stubble growing on my legs. But all my pants are a wrinkled mess because the movers apparently made it their mission to cram as much stuff as possible into each box. Oh and our iron conveniently stopped working last week. But I figured being a wrinkled mess would be better than looking like I’ve joined a hippy cult with an anti-shaving policy.
Just before we left, I panicked thinking I forgot to make the girls’ lunches. But then I reminded myself I just needed lunch money. I finally got the kids and all our bags out to the garage to start loading the car. Our garage is currently serving as a receptacle for all the stuff we moved out of our temporary apartment (including two hanging racks of clothes—neither of which contain any of my pants), all the boxes we haven’t been able to completely empty (none of which contain our coffee cups that mysteriously disappeared in the move—and believe me, I’ve checked EVERY box), and all the trash which smells HORRIBLE because it is basically cooking in the heat of the garage. All that to say that our cars are parked in the driveway, which is super fun to load kids and crap into while in the middle of a monsoon.
Since Ellie would run right out in the rain and sit in a puddle (and likely try to drink the puddle water) if I’d let her, I strapped her into the stroller sitting in the garage so I could load all the bags. By the way, why do we always have so much crap to load/unload every. damn. day??? It’s like we’re going on vacation for three weeks! After telling EC 32 times not to touch the umbrella, I ran back inside to grab something and came back to find her spinning it over her shoulder, singing to herself and slinging water E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. And I swear if she didn’t look so damn cute twirling that giant golf umbrella and gazing at me with that “please don’t be mad at me” look in her big brown eyes, I might have just run right out in the rain and sat in a puddle myself.
We pulled up at school and as I was scrambling to unload our family circus, EC asked me if I packed her lunch. I reminded her that we were bringing lunch money so she could eat lunch provided by the school.
We get inside, check Ellie in to her classroom, and just as I am about to hand her off to her teacher, she smacks her face on my necklace. After a quick kiss and a check to make sure she’s not bleeding, I hand her to the teacher and escape from the room as she is still screaming and crying. Told ya I deserve Mom of the Year. After I signed EC into her room, she latched on to my leg with a death grip so tight that the teacher had to help pry her off of me.
I was almost done with the morning marathon. The finish line was in sight. But I stopped dead in my tracks when I realized I forgot the damn lunch money.
I rummaged through my wallet, found $6 wadded up in the coin pocket and promised to bring the remaining $2 the next day.
I pulled up to work an hour late, and as I made the hike from the parking deck to my office, I decided that walking through the rain in 95 degrees and 800% humidity can totally count as taking a hot shower and steam out the wrinkles in my clothes.
P.S. For the love, will someone please remind me to bring the $2 that I still owe in lunch money??? I don’t want to be the mama that made my kids steal food from the church preschool.